Archive | July 2009

Inconsiderate A$$holes

If you were in the Clarendon area, near the Apple store, at around 1pm today, you would have seen a lovely stand-off over a parking spot…and I was involved.  Now, I am NOT a confrontational person, I flee from it…if you cut me off in traffic, I may mutter some sort of obscenity but I won’t blare my horn or give you the finger.  If someone is trying to merge onto the highway, I let them…even if they have waited til the last #(&@$ second as if blissfully unaware of the merge.  Again, no honking, no gestures…  I let pedestrians cross the street, I don’t speed up and curse them… if someone has their turn signal indicating which way they are going, I don’t get in that lane and cut them off…Life is too short for that crap, doncha think?

Cut to today…had my usual half-assed workout…decided to check out South Moon Under’s 30% off Sale Prices Sale…had Peter with me…he likes to check out the mannequins’ undergarments and flirt w/the sales girls…So, the outdoor parking is all street parking/parallel parking.  Bane of my existence.  Partly due to my inability to go in reverse and know where the hell I am, if you kwim?  I see someone pulling out, leaving 2 open spots next to one another.  There’s a black Mercedes in front of me.  He backs into the first spot and I front-end-in to get into the 2nd spot which was behind his spot.  Maybe *I* am an ass for front end inning but that’s usually my only prayer of getting into a spot! I suck, I admit it!  Anywho, the guy is backing up and continues to back up into the spot I am pulling into.  I toot my horn gently to let him know I’m there.  Oh, he knows I am there. And he is somehow pissed about it.  He keeps coming into the spot that I am halfway in…I sit incredulously, wondering aloud about what the hell this guy is doing. I wait a second and gently toot again and make a ‘move forward’ kind of gesture.  What does he do? He puts his car in park and takes out a newspaper and starts to read it! W.T.F????  Clearly, he is like ‘bitch, I want that spot and how dare you front end in and I’m not going anywhere’  I had to inch closer to him to get out of the way of passing cars…he continues to read his paper. I put it in park and decide to wait him out. In the words of Zack Mayo in Officer and a Gentleman “I got nowhere else to go!”  I told Peter ‘it’s okay, we have all day’…Peter did learn a few choice words today and interesting phrases.  People were walking by the stand-off saying ‘Dude, pull up!’  I smiled at them broadly. I didn’t want to get out of my car b/c that’s when the Jerry Springer Show shit starts to go down. I didn’t give him the finger. I didn’t blare my horn. I sat. I did get out my cell and take a few pix of his car. His license plate said something like ‘IMADOOSH’ or  ‘MYDICKSOTINY.’  Anyway, as luck would have it, an Arlington County police car was parked in the spot just ahead and the officer came out of the Apple Store.  At this point, I did get out of my car…’excuse me, Officer. Can you please get this man to pull into a spot and let me park?’ Suuure.  So, he said something to the guy…and got some sort of b/s in response which I couldn’t hear. The Officer then said  ‘sir, you are taking up 2 spots by just sitting there’….and so he moved.  This took about 15 minutes.

I was shaking by the time I got into the spot and turned the car off. Shaking w/rage. I haven’t felt so blindingly angry at someone in ages!  AAHHHH

**Editing:  Just wanted to clarify that I do realize that if there were only 1 spot, the front end inner loses. The backer-inner wins.

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Yet Another List of Petty Annoyances

It’s been a bitchy week here…possibly hormonal?

  1. Idiots in parking lots racing down the lanes, begging to be t-boned.
  2. DC humidity
  3. sinus headaches
  4. Walking into a bathroom stall wherein someone has apparently been disemboweled.
  5. Walking into a bathroom stall and smelling the unmistakable eau-de-old-lady: baby powder, White Shoulders, Depends, mints, and a little bit of poop.
  6. People who don’t pick up their dog’s shit and leave it to fester and become fly food.
  7. Other people’s whining snot-nosed children.
  8. The sound of someone’s flip flops flip-slap-flopping down an otherwise quiet hallway.
  9. Most companies’ telephone systems.
  10. Face deforming giant jawline pimples that are unpoppable.
  11. yip yapping chihuahuas (sorry Ash!)
  12. The sound of my 105 lb lab licking his penis for 15 straight minutes.
  13. Megan Fox’s whorish mouth
  14. Jennifer Aniston’s nipples
  15. Katherine Heigl

2 Aniston related items

You know I love her…so it does pain me to post these 2 stories…in the one from Lainey Gossip, the pix showed a puffy faced, semi-pig-eyed Jen.  Hair is still good though.  It also mentions her hard nipples.  I read somewhere that either she or an asst is in charge of tweaking them before certain scenes! Yeesh!  The 2nd one is about an upcoming shiteous movie she is planning on doing.  Jenny!!!  WTF?

Jennifer Aniston wears wedges and tweaks her hard nipples on set in New York as Pumas is announced

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‘Pumas’: Isn’t Jennifer Aniston better than this? | EW.com

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Cooking w/a 10 year old boy

Not so scary actually!  He had come across my new cookbook called “Hungry Girl 200 under 200” (200 recipes under 200 calories) and picked out a recipe for jelly filled cupcakes!  We are waiting for them to cool but they look yummy! 51vWMTVg53L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_

Check out this book!  Lots of fun recipes, under 200 calories a serving…you can also go to the hungry-girl.com website.

This entry was posted on July 29, 2009, in 1. 3 Comments

Fashion Crime

Committed by me.  Repeatedly.  I confess that I do errands in my workout gear. I have been deluding myself that I look ‘sporty and cute’ when I wear my little C9 skorts from Target (btw, I no longer say ‘Tar-zhay’…it’s ‘Tair-get’ like Kristen Wiig on SNL).  Also btw, I love LOVE skorts…wearing regular shorts makes me feel all manly…I have a mannish body…not like little boy skinny w/no hips…mannish as in thick muscular legs better suited to a pro wrestler. If I wear shorts and flats and no toe polish I easily look like man. Sigh.  Anyway, yesterday I had on a cute C9 black workout skort and a racerback tank in a sort of boho print…also from Target…love that store.  Just ask the Frug.  So, I walked the dog in the 95 degree heat…came home to drop him off and pick up Peter to go to OT…I could have changed but I wasn’t *that* sweaty  and hey, I was sporty and cute, right?  Actually no.  

Not sure when I came to this epiphany but wearing one’s workout stuff all day is NOT sporty and cute, esp. at my age.   More like “White Trash Old Whore”…here after known as WTOW.  Pronounced “Wah-Tow” like “Kapow!”  Hmmm, this could be in a cartoon and the WTOW could be like a Villain!  She would be all saggy boobed, wearing stanky workout clothes, sun damaged skin, fried hair (of course)…she could perhaps have a thunderbolt and shriek “WAH-TOW”!?!

Wanna hear the best part about yesterday’s fashion faux pas???  When I got home I happened to notice…for the first time…that I still had the size sticker on my top…a 10 inch long, 1 inch thick Target size sticker.  How many people had I encountered in that 2-3 hour window? Easily 20.  Not one person said a word.  Bitches were snickering at the WTOW with her smelly workout clothes…size Small.  This is actually a little karmic payback for all the years I have let people have crap in their teeth, toilet paper clinging to their shoes, mascara dripping down their faces and been smug about it and NOT said a word…sigh.

Could have been worse I suppose…coulda been a XXL, kwim?

DC Terror Alert Level Raised to “Rabid Possum”

Hellz no.  Kate (+ her 8 minus her douche) is moving to the DC area?! W.t.f. is the world coming to?  So, Ed Hardy Chunky Man gets a bachelor pad in Manhattan and Kate gets…Rockville?  Not that Rockville isn’t fab. But, she has nooooo idea what those Bethesda/Chevy Chase/Rockville bitches are like!  They will slice and dice her. (kisses to my MD area friends!)

What will I do if I happen to see her???  Am concerned that I will have some sort of Tourette’s outburst…”c*ntyrabidpossum”…what would be worse is if if I overcome by starf*ckerfamewhore-itis and was all ‘oh Kate! I am such a fan! I know you’ve been so misunderstood. All the bitchiness was just bad editing, right ?’

Kate Gosselin Got Herself A Maryland Bachelorette Party Palace! | Dlisted

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