Halloween Candy Be Damned!!

Yeah, I’m lazy…am re-posting another item I wrote a year ago…damnit, I was way funnier and more creative a year ago!  *wails* What has happened to me!

OMG, so I *just* blog about saying hell no to the Halloween Candy and head out to Costco.  Mistake. (not matter what time you go, it’s a zoo…you buy too much…etc.etc.) As soon as I walk in, there it is. The MOUNTAIN of Halloween Candy. It was piled high, taller than I am!  Enormous bags of aalllll the good stuff.  And, it spoke to me.

Halloween Candy:  KKKKkkkkkkkeeeeeellllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Come over here! Come look at our adorable packaging! We’re here at Costco so we are obviously a ‘good deal’ and ‘Frug-approved’…

Me: F*ck off, candy.

Halloween Candy: C’mon! We love you! We’re here for you, always!  You are looking so skinny!  Must be those Sketchers Shape-ups you bought…

Me: STFU, candy. I quit you.

Halloween Candy: You can’t quit us! We are in MINI packages!  Mini packages can never hurt you! It’s all good! And, dark chocolate is good for you!

Me: growl…hisssss…..

Halloween Candy: You’ve had a hard day, you DESERVE some candy! You’ve done laundry, the dishes, walked the dog…cyber-stalked Robert Pattinson…

Me: Edward Cullen???  Robert??? (dazed look in my eyes)

Halloween Candy: That’s right, come on over here…hold the 100 piece bag in your hands…tthhhaaaatttt’ssssss iiiitttttt…ggggoooooodddd.

Me: You are my personal brand of heroin, chocolatey deliciousness…

Me: Candy?  You.Complete.Me.

Me: Wait! Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooo! I can’t! GAH!

Toss bag back into bin…run away, screaming…

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2 thoughts on “Halloween Candy Be Damned!!

  1. You’re so good! Meanwhile…at Wegmans….the Reeses fast breaks called me over to look at them. Their mini-ness spoke to me, but I walked past them. Until……they also stationed them RIGHT NEXT to the check-out. I relented. They are in my pantry right now. I have not opened them yet!! AGHHHHH!! 25 days til Halloween – I’ll never make it!!

    • right next to the checkout is an evil zone…I think there is a master plan to create backups at the registers just to torture me w/the candy displays 😉

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