Archive | June 2010

Kourtney and Khlo�’s Top Five Tips for Bathing Suit Shopping

Okay, based on these 2 whoreanus bathing suits, I am NOT going to take their advice on ANYTHING!

Kourtney and Khlo�’s Top Five Tips for Bathing Suit Shopping.

This entry was posted on June 30, 2010, in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Coco Should Wear a Smaller Bikini – The Superficial – Because You’re Ugly

Sweet Baby Jesus, look at this chick in this “bikini”…she’s Ice-T(ea! lol)’s wife??  Whatevs. I cannot believe how horrendous she looks!  Cover your hoohah! (I swear I can see her 5 o’clock pubeshadow!)…cover your butt!  And the boobage?  She maybe should just go naked?  She practically is already.

Coco Should Wear a Smaller Bikini – The Superficial – Because You’re Ugly.

This entry was posted on June 29, 2010, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Bitchy in the Heat?

Yes, I am. Very. And, according to the Frug, I am ‘scary’. *glares*

We’ve been having a bit of a heat wave here. Temps nearing 100 degrees (attention, Mother Nature – it is JUNE!  Not August, JUNE!)…as I’ve gotten older *sighs* I am less and less able to cope w/the heat. I used to love baking myself in the hot sun….always wondered why people wanted shade…shade?? That would cramp my tanorexic style! Now I find myself huddled indoors, using a big umbrella at the beach, walking on the shady side of the street w/Otis (my big black dog likes the shade too!)…

Anyway, what does this have to do with my being bitchy?? On Sunday, we were having ‘Family Fun Time‘…(the Fun in that is optional, apparently). Went to the pool together (this is unusual b/c usually it’s just the kids and I or sometimes the Frug will bike to the pool – for the exercise, b/c he is such a fitness fanatic *eye roll*)  The place was PACKED. Everyone and their crazy uncle was there. Ugh. The water was warm (you know why the water’s warm, right???  eeuuww) and felt a little oily (people’s sweaty bodies and their nasty sunscreen slipping off their fat bodies). *shudders*

Toddlers galore.  You know, the little people with no boundaries, no sense of personal space, screaming…and their parents who are oblivious to the fact that perhaps other people don’t find little Trevor’s incessant splashing to be charming.  Or that Olivia jumping into the water mere centimeters from someone (me) is perhaps ANNOYING?!!  Oh, and the BALL THROWERS!  Yeah, we’re in a pool as crowded as a subway in Tokyo, let’s start whipping balls around! (and it’s always the people who think they are Joe Athlete and their kid, Future Superstar, who are throwing the balls and MISSING and hitting other people (me) or overthrowing the ball and looking at another person (me) as if to say”can you get that?” and the answer is “Hell No”.  (I have similar issues with the ball throwers on the beach. Go somewhere else, PLEASE. You do not have the motor skills to be throwing objects so close to other people.)

And there were the kids who were swimming underwater…and touching my legs as they went by. *shudders* I knew, rationally, that what was touching me was NOT some kind of sea snake or other disgusting creature BUT it still creeped me out.

I had my sunglasses on but I think the effect of the laser beams I was shooting at people was still felt.

Do.Not.Touch.Me. Do not throw things. Do not splash me. Do not jump into the water, right on top of me. (again and again) Do not SCREAM. Do not come up out of the water, coughing and spitting and pretty much vomiting. Do NOT blow your nose in your hands and then swish the snot into the pool water. I will hurt you. I will.

Hmmm, maybe I am a little scary?

This entry was posted on June 29, 2010, in Uncategorized. 3 Comments

A-Rod and Cameron Diaz’s Doting Dinner Date – E! Online

Why, Cameron? WHY????  A-Rod is a total douche.  He’s a hot douche but a douche nonetheless. AND, he’s been with Madonna AND Kate Hudson…and those bitches have been around! lol

And, another bitchy side note…hate the red lipstick.  Makes her look drag queeny. (I heart Cameron Diaz, I DO! but not with the red lipstick…and NOT boinking A-Rod)

A-Rod and Cameron Diaz’s Doting Dinner Date – E! Online.

Ah, the sweet sounds of summer

(am upstairs, hiding from the family…wonder why?)

11: MOM?


**sounds of some kind of skirmish**

8: MOM!  He HIT me!

11: Did NOT!

8: Did TO!

11: LIAR!

**more shoving and pushing sounds**

Both: MOM!!!!!

Both: Ow! Hey!


Frug: Where is your Mother??

Frug: COW?!

Frug: COW?!!!  The children are fighting!

Me: *slams head to desk* Repeat.

This entry was posted on June 26, 2010, in Uncategorized. 1 Comment