Bitchy in the Heat?

Yes, I am. Very. And, according to the Frug, I am ‘scary’. *glares*

We’ve been having a bit of a heat wave here. Temps nearing 100 degrees (attention, Mother Nature – it is JUNE!  Not August, JUNE!)…as I’ve gotten older *sighs* I am less and less able to cope w/the heat. I used to love baking myself in the hot sun….always wondered why people wanted shade…shade?? That would cramp my tanorexic style! Now I find myself huddled indoors, using a big umbrella at the beach, walking on the shady side of the street w/Otis (my big black dog likes the shade too!)…

Anyway, what does this have to do with my being bitchy?? On Sunday, we were having ‘Family Fun Time‘…(the Fun in that is optional, apparently). Went to the pool together (this is unusual b/c usually it’s just the kids and I or sometimes the Frug will bike to the pool – for the exercise, b/c he is such a fitness fanatic *eye roll*)  The place was PACKED. Everyone and their crazy uncle was there. Ugh. The water was warm (you know why the water’s warm, right???  eeuuww) and felt a little oily (people’s sweaty bodies and their nasty sunscreen slipping off their fat bodies). *shudders*

Toddlers galore.  You know, the little people with no boundaries, no sense of personal space, screaming…and their parents who are oblivious to the fact that perhaps other people don’t find little Trevor’s incessant splashing to be charming.  Or that Olivia jumping into the water mere centimeters from someone (me) is perhaps ANNOYING?!!  Oh, and the BALL THROWERS!  Yeah, we’re in a pool as crowded as a subway in Tokyo, let’s start whipping balls around! (and it’s always the people who think they are Joe Athlete and their kid, Future Superstar, who are throwing the balls and MISSING and hitting other people (me) or overthrowing the ball and looking at another person (me) as if to say”can you get that?” and the answer is “Hell No”.  (I have similar issues with the ball throwers on the beach. Go somewhere else, PLEASE. You do not have the motor skills to be throwing objects so close to other people.)

And there were the kids who were swimming underwater…and touching my legs as they went by. *shudders* I knew, rationally, that what was touching me was NOT some kind of sea snake or other disgusting creature BUT it still creeped me out.

I had my sunglasses on but I think the effect of the laser beams I was shooting at people was still felt.

Do.Not.Touch.Me. Do not throw things. Do not splash me. Do not jump into the water, right on top of me. (again and again) Do not SCREAM. Do not come up out of the water, coughing and spitting and pretty much vomiting. Do NOT blow your nose in your hands and then swish the snot into the pool water. I will hurt you. I will.

Hmmm, maybe I am a little scary?

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3 thoughts on “Bitchy in the Heat?

  1. I am sitting in my office – cup of coffee in hand – laughing hysterically and 100% TOTALLY agreeing!! I have visions of being in the “lazy river” in Myrtle and seeing little blobs of oil and HAIR floating by me. ACKKKK!!!! I really do not enjoy public water of anykind!

  2. So I’m a little (a lot) behind on your blog, but caught this one.

    I totally agree. I take the kids to the YMCA and this is exactly the scenario. Last month I got hit in the head by ball that a Dad and his son were throwing in the pool. Why would they think this is okay???? Anyway, if you think the water FEELS bad, you should SEE what it actually looks like. I swim with goggles and the stuff I see floating around underwater makes me think twice about going to the pool.

    • eeuuww remind me to NEVER put goggles on and LOOK. Am always worried about the baby ruth bar in the pool ala Caddyshack, kwim? 😉

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