(Warning: rainy day in DC just brings out the evil in me. This is not an apology, it’s a Warning)
- Children carrying umbrellas. Yeah, your kid’s ladybug umbrella is adorable. I get that. What isn’t so cute is that your child has no sense of personal space and zero body awareness…which you don’t care about and then someone loses an eye. Thanks for that. *growls* Damn obstacle course at pickup time at 9’s school.
- People wearing dark clothing at night…and not obeying pedestrian safety protocols like crossing busy streets via crosswalks. Oh yeah, dart out into traffic at 6pm in your black hoodie. So sorry you’re dead now. Idiot.
- People picking up dog poop in non-black bags. This is disgusting. No one wants to see the smeary mound of Brutus’s excrement in your see-thru bag. Much like leggings, poop bags must be opaque and black is preferable. Please stop using newspaper bags. They don’t work well AND then I have to see your dog’s poop. Ugh.
- Fallen leaves + rain = dangerous driving conditions (it’s like ice!) Hi County, pick up the effing leaves on the roads please. Use that uber-cool vacuum truck that 9 loves so much.
- Daylight Savings Time. Honestly, is that 30 minutes of sun in the a.m. worth the deadly depressing sunset at 5p.m.?? I just want to sssllllleeeeeeeeeppppp. Or kill myself. Or eat. *sighs*
- Primitive survival instincts that make one want to eat nonstop when the calendar says November (October!) and the temperature drops below 60. We aren’t hibernators. No need to put on an extra layer o’fat. Hello Treadmill My Old Friend…(sing it with me!)
- Windshield wipers on, headlights ON. (this may only be a law in certain states) Virginia law requires motorists to use headlights during inclement weather such as rain, fog, snow or sleet when visibility is reduced to 500 feet. You must use your headlights whenever you use your windshield wipers as a result of bad weather. This just makes good common sense, right? Oh, that’s right…most people are idiots.
- Almost 4 year old dogs who persist in puppyesque behavior and energy level…honestly, when is Otis going calm down and not act like a monster???? When??
Rant over. For now.