Rambling

Okay, Superficialistas, I have a dilemma of sorts. When I started this blog, I actually wanted to be writing “for real” at the same time. “For Real“, as in a BOOK. Yes, me. A book. Now, me being ME, naturally this has not happened. I think I’ve written exactly one paragraph of non-superficial crap in the last 18 months. Be proud of me! *snorts* (I just checked my “other writing” folder and indeed, there’s one chapter written. Fail.)

So, I’ve mentioned the upcoming bday…and the soul searching that going along with it. And I’m thinking “JFC, Kelly! WRITE that damn book already!” I have a laundry list of excuses…ranging from lack of time *scoffs*, lack of talent *nods head emphatically*, adult self-diagnosed ADD, sheer laziness, fear of failure, fear of success…

Possible topics/book titles include:

“Life with The Frug” (this could also lend itself to a comic or animated series like The Simpsons but with more cursing and R rated content)

“How to Drive Your Husband to the Brink of Insanity aka Pitstops at the Poorhouse & Sephora”

“Kelly’s Guide to Raising a Special Needs Child and Looking Good Doing It”

“Cougwhores, Old Whores, and Sea Hags – How to Grow Old and Look Still Look Slutty”

Whenever I start thinking seriously (serious thinking causes me pain and makes me hungry) about this, my mind races with the “what ifs“…what if I write all this “stuff” and I can’t get anyone to look at it and actually like it? What if I find someone to publish it and then there’s like a bidding war over it? What if I write and it gets published and then there’s a book tour? And then I’ll have to look good – I’ll have to be groomed impeccably and I’m already old and what if I just look like an Old Whore no matter what I do? And then people would show up and mock me? And I’d have to travel! Eek! And I don’t like to fly  but maybe I can take a bus or a train to the different stops but then who is taking care of the Frug and the kids? What if he finds some young/old whore to take care of ALL of their needs??? Okay, thats out…I can’t fly without the Frug and the kids and they’re in school and it wouldn’t be right to pull them out of school but traveling around the country (the world?!) would be such a terrific experience for them…and then what if I’m asked to be on Oprah but I never watch her show b/c she’s the anti-Christ and she scares me and watching Oprah is too much of a cliche suburban soccer mom thing and what if I go on her show and say that to her???

*panting* *wheezing*

Well, TFG Oprah’s going off the air so I can scratch that from my list of reasons why I can’t write…

But, thankfully, I have a million other reasons things to worry and obsess over and procrastinate about…maybe I’ll just go have a snack and read some Twilight fanfiction and look at some hot pix of Robert Pattinson instead…*dust cloud*

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This entry was posted on February 6, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment

One thought on “Rambling

  1. Leave it to Pedro. That was hubs idea. I was snorting and he said what’s so funny. Had to read it to him. I like Kelly’s Guide. Superficial FTMFW!!

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