Shock and Awe and Blah

Hola Superficialistas!

I’ve been laying low a bit…weather has been Le Suck and has been draining my limited energy. Oh, and 12 has been sucking the life force from my body one sarcastic comment at a time. And Otis has been chipping away at my sanity one bark at a time. *heavy melodramatic sigh*

Decided while the Frug was away to start a Diet Campaign! Looking at this 45 year old body thinking “Holy F*ck! It’s all a downhill from here?!” Not good. Not good at all. Best to start the downward spiral from a better spot!

I’ve been on a plan that I’ve dubbed “Shock and Awe”! A combo of starvation, Chinese black market diet pills, imported parasites, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Sensa, workouts and, God help me, Suzanne Somers! lol and only kidding about a couple of them. You decide which were jokes 😉

The workouts? Not kidding. Have been in the gym at least 4. if not 5, times a week. Sweating to death. (this could be the result of intense effort OR hormones – can’t decide which! lol) Plus, walking the Black Beast pretty much daily for 40 minutes, weather be damned.

Sensa? Sadly, yes. I ordered Sensa (the stuff you sprinkle on your food that supposed to decrease your appetite by making you feel satiated sooner)…I dutifully sprinkled the “tastants” on my food for 3 days…then I felt like somewhere there was a marketing dick laughing his ass off at me like “she’s actually doing that??? Dumbass!” I had ordered the “free trial” and it took me about 4 tries to get them to issue me a RMA to return it. *sighs*  I still feel a little dirty from even trying it. 😉

And, Suzanne??! Crazy Suzanne Somers. I have logged onto her SexyForever.com and now get her diet tips for fatties over 40. Her thing is detoxing and avoiding spiking your insulin.

I still think my neighbor probably nailed it all on the head. She’s a lovely woman, early to mid 50s I think. I spoke to her a few years ago, right before she left for a trip with her besties. I asked her “So, what can you eat when you’re 50?” and her response was “Honey, we haven’t eaten in years”…I laughed but I see now that she was deadly serious.

Results of 3 weeks of “Shock and Awe”? About 2-3 lbs. Maybe. I used to be able to lose that by skipping dinner and going to bed early! I know 1 lbs a week is “sensible” but F*ck That!  *growls like a hungry animal*

Oh, and the Frug is now on some sort of “Plan”…involves the fridge looking like a Butcher Shop…and lots of veggies and BEANS. God help our plumbing. And our “air quality”. Not kidding. >:-(

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