Archive | June 2011

Blah Blah Blah

Got an earful of guilt from Aunt Sage. “I haven’t spoken to you in a WEEK!” Ugh.  Does she really want to hear my same-old boring ass crap every day?  Even if I “save up” I don’t have enough exciting “news” to make it thru 5 minutes of conversation. *dramatic sigh*

Well, let’s see…today, I went to the gym and the grocery store and did a return at Target…Hmm, I also did a couple loads of laundry. Later on, I may take 9 to the pool. Oh yeah, the backyard is full o’dog shit so I think I may clean that up. And, if I’m lucky and manage to escape from Otis AND 9, I may sit and take a dump in peace. Maybe. If there’s time.

That makes for super fun phone conversation, right? *rolls eyes*

This entry was posted on June 30, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Me Again

When it rains, it pours! haha

Just saw this on Twitter and it made me giggle:

This entry was posted on June 28, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Horrible Bosses – Red Band Trailer

Only watch this trailer if you’re over 18 please!  It’s the latest NSFW trailer for Jennifer Aniston’s new movie “Horrible Bosses”…I just don’t know how I feel about it. Thoughts?


This entry was posted on June 28, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Lash Dip?!!!

Have you heard of THIS?! *wants* It’s the newest lash treatment! It’s just now available in DC and my friend “Fawn” is getting it done this week!  *squeals* I can’t wait to hear how it goes. Apparently, it takes almost 2 hours for them to put this superblack gel coating on your lashes…lasts for a while…not damaging like the lash extensions (which even I am not crazy enough to do — saying something! haha)…has anyone else done this or heard of it????

Check it out here!

This entry was posted on June 28, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Faint Whimpering Noises on 6/24/11

1:26pm on 6/24/11. Did you hear muted crying and faint whimpering sounds? ‘Twas me.  That was when Kelly Time came to a screeching halt — 9’s last day of school for the summer.  Btw, “for the summer” actually is a misnomer. Poor 9 has to be back to school on 8/2!!!! What a GD ripoff for him, doncha think?  Works so well for ME *winks* but you have to feel sorry for these kiddos who go to year-round school.

So, we’re a few days into “summer” here and I have to say I’m over it! lol Been playing Mommy Taxi for 12 who seems to only want to be anywhere but here, kwim? Everything else “sucks” and is, as always, “boring“…and Master 9 has been talking my damn ears off.  Mostly about his crush on Selena Gomez (Mom! I think she should eat more candy b/c I like her fatter!) and his Disney Channel shows (I feel like it’s Groundhog Day with the theme song from Suite Life on Deck on repeat) Oh, and making up inappropriate songs for my listening pleasure. Need examples? Well, Friday was the day of These-People-Have-Wronged-Me to the tune of BINGO (was his name-o).

“There was a boy who was mean to me and Nah Veon was his name-o” (many childrens names used and Grievances varied)

And today, at the pool (loudly)…to the tune of some obscure Barney song:

“I drink chocolate milk and my penis gets bigger!

Kill. Me. Now.

This entry was posted on June 28, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

*cackling* Hilarious Quentin Tarantino Sex Story

You MUST go read this article…it’s an apparently true account of some ho who hooked up w/QT at a bar one night. Detailed descriptions of his sorry-ass penis and some kinky sexcapades. Go read…then shower. While cackling.

Okay, need highlights?

We make out some more, there’s a little below the belt action that I try to avoid, as QT has the most unattractive penis I have ever seen (short. fat. nub-like. The chode of all chodes.)


After some negotiations about how I would not partake in any of the hand job action were nailed down, I begrudgingly acquiesced.

(And by begrudgingly, I realized I didn’t have to shtup the dude and said sure why not in about 0.03 seconds)

Seriously, read it. LMFAO.

This entry was posted on June 28, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment