Get ready for an Otis story, everybody. The Black Beast got some sort of skin taggish thingy on his side. He was trying to scratch and lick it and I was worried it was a TICK (eek!) and I was waaaaay too scared to touch it. I needed to take him to the vet anyway b/c his breath REEKS (more than the average dog) AND because he’s fat(er than usual).
Otis loooovvvvvveeeeesss the vet! He goes in like Dogzilla and just takes over. He greets all the techs with the double dog paw on the shoulders and a face lick. He bounces around and looks for treats, sniffs anything and everything. The people with their little toy dogs or cats despise Otis. *giggles* On his quest for treats, he went behind the counter and pawed a fax machine/copier and I *think* I head a cracking sound but I can’t be sure…yanked him outta there as soon as I could 😉
Anyway, the first step of the check up is the weigh-in. How hard could that be? *snorts* It’s like a cattle scale, as it should be. All Otis has to do is walk onto it and sit quietly *cackles*…hellz no. He will nevah sit! He was licking the tech’s face, spinning in circles, do a half sit and then a leap to the face lick (extra points for creativity and sneakiness, right?)…we think he weighed in at 111 (only SIX pounds heaver than he was in July — oops!) but we’ll never really know for sure because he tail whipped the sensor/read-out thing and broke it. We thought maybe he just unplugged it but NO. He broke it. *sighs*
Off to the exam room. In his pure excitement and joy at being examined, he shed black fur all over the floor and drooled profusely. (He also had perma-wood but I’m trying to bleach that memory from my brain) The vet checked him out and then it was time to clip his horrible toenails.
It took two large Samoan-looking guys to hold him still. Poor Beast looked like a horse, doing those crazy horse-like side eyes, kwim?? It looked like shit was getting real in there so I excused myself from the room. (excellent dog parenting skills, right? haha)
Went back in in about 5 minutes. Otis was alone. The vet came in, sort of laughing, and said “Well, I saw the battle scars” and I’m like “What?? Battle scars?? ” And he said “Yeah, Otis expressed his anal glands all over them“….”Expressed his anal glands” is vet-code for “sprayed liquid dog shit” all over them!
And you think YOU had a shitty day??? *cackles*