Archive | December 2011

Its OVAH

 

Aw!  Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting a divorce!  WAH!  THey were cute and crazy. *sighs* Celebs should really NEVER marry. Why bother, kwim?!

Its OVAH.

This entry was posted on December 30, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Anybody there?

Hello?! Yes, I’m alive! Barely! Spent Christmas trying to stay one step ahead of the Hoarder Truck. I’ll be blogging about my Adventures in Extreme Hoarding AND Fun with The OCD Elderly Aunt.

Til then, here’s the cover of the latest Real Simple magazine. It was apparently written by the Frug for ME!

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How to Break Your Bad Habits KELLY!

Reduce Your Debt KELLY!

Lose Weight Faster KELLY!

Clear the Clutter KELLY!

*sighs*

This entry was posted on December 29, 2011, in Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Creativity Sparked!

Sometimes ideas come to me in strange places. Like the mall. Specifically, the mall bathroom 😉 You know I’m a Diet Coke h00r, right? Love it. The first sound you hear in the morning from me is the *snap pop* of the can of DC being opened. *smiles* aaahhh. My favorite is fountain Diet Coke though. My first stop at the mall is any place that sells delicious refreshing fountain DC.

The problem with all that DC is the pee. So so so much pee. God, I have to pee just writing the word pee. It’s like seeing someone yawn, kwim? haha Anyway, my shopping excursions are punctuated by trips to the bathroom. I know where the best ones are in all the local malls. Yeah, I’m proud. lol Anyway, I usually have a semi-full DC when I realize it’s bathroom time. What to do with that drink???  Don’t want to pitch it, right? (that wouldn’t be frugal! haha) Can’t just chug it. That leaves bringing it into the germ-laden bathroom. *shudders*

It creeps me out whenever I carry my vulnerable drink-with-straw-sticking-out into a public restroom. There are farticles in the air!  Airborne Ebola! Flesh eating bacteria!  Toilet plume (click this link too!!  aahh)! All trying to cling to my straw! GAH!

What to do?? I would ideally like to have a minion who would wait patiently for me outside the restroom, holding my purchases and my DC. Failing that (le sigh) is maybe something like a Drink Condom? A disposable plastic wrap that you put over your drink as you enter the bathroom and remove as you leave. I’m envisioning a mini shower cap type item.

Thoughts?

This entry was posted on December 21, 2011, in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

A Mom Version of Santa Baby

Please go read the whole post from “Let Me Start By Saying…” because this woman is HILARIOUS. We may be sistahs from another mistah or some other badass saying…

So, here’s her new version of an annoying Christmas song:

SANTA BABY: THE MOM VERSION

Santa Baby,
Slip some patience under the tree
For me.
I’ve been a Mommy all year.
Santa Baby, please hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby,
I’d like to be alone in the loo
To poo.
If it’s not too much to ask.
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all
The butts I’ve wiped.
Think of all my youth & beauty
That they’ve swiped.
Next year I could be just as sweet
If I had nice nails and well-rubbed feet. 

Santa Baby,
I want a nap and for my kid to
Shut her yap.
She talks my ear off all year.
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey,
There’s something that I really do crave:
A Mom Cave.
With a soundproofed locked door.
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie,
Fill my stocking with boobs that don’t sag,
Or drag.
I’d like them up where they were.
Santa cutie, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With a bit of free time and some…sanity.
I swear I do believe in you
Lets see if you believe in me. 

Santa Baby,
Forgot to mention one little thing:
Some bling.
All Moms deserve to sparkle.
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry…tonight