Ya know, it’s the little things…

I have been a bitchy bitch today. Spent part of this dreary day at the Mall. God help me. Where to begin complaining?

First up – Strollercize moms. The first thing I see is a huge group of yuppy moms marching around the mall in their workout gear pushing their $999 strollers.  Where is my gun?! Do they really need to do this en masse? And in actual workout clothing?? (Like tank tops!  In the mall!  In December!) Maybe Santa will get them gym memberships?? *begs*

And all the toddlers who were out of their strollers, carrying their sippy cups, touching everything with their cheerio and goldfish and snot encrusted hands. *shudders* GAH!  And why aren’t they IN the strollers? Buckled in tightly. With pacifiers in their mouths preferably. Don’t these women know that the years of being able to do this are fleeting?? What wouldn’t I do to have those sweet days of power and control back again. *sighs*

Took a quick lunch break in the Food Court. Tried to stay far the heck away from loud and germy people.  Not far enough away from the @(&$@ TRAIN they have running thru there. JFC.  There’s a whole play area. Must there be a freaking TRAIN for the little monsters??  (yeah, sour grapes from me b/c I would have KILLED to have had something cool like that on a rainy day! lol)

Oh, another thing — BIRDS? Why in the HELL are there birds INSIDE? IN THE DAMN FOOD COURT!!! How disgusting is that?! Can’t someone shoo them out???  How did they get in? GAH!

Anyway, all was not lost. It wasn’t a complete bitch of a day. Why? Because I bought myself a cute little trinket. The kind of thing that makes the poor Frug break out in hives. Here, admire it:

Wow, my knuckle wrinkles look amazing all blown up like this. #oldpersonFAIL

Superfun, colorful, jingly Christmas tchotchke!  Woot!   It makes a delightful noise when I am flailing my arms at the ($&@& drivers on the road! Adds to the effectiveness of my “gestures.” *winks*

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