So, in PA for Christmas…the contrasts in my family domiciles and traditions are stark. And more than a little crazy.
The living room is strewn with gifts, little pieces of wrapping paper, tape, dog toys, actual dogs (count ’em — FIVE), shoes, the random sock, bottle caps, candy wrappers, etc. Be careful where you step. Seriously.
There’s plenty of bevvies and cookies. Just no actual food. Really.
Where to find the extra TP? Oh, in the hallway on top of the pile of mold-covered records from the 70s that used to be housed in the garage.
Open the shower. What’s in there? Oh, trash. Of course.
Where can I find some sheets and a blanket? Look in my old room, now piled HIGH with furniture, Christmas gifts, misc. CRAP, etc. Have to be careful extricating the sheets because things are perched over and under them.
Looking for a Diet Coke or a beer? Wine from a box? Oh, they’re on the back porch in the “Redneck Refrigerator.” And mind you, I have actually seen a freaking POSSUM on said porch. *shrieks* A possum could have had his possum mouth on the box o’wine spout! *gags*
Where’s the carpet in the basement? Oh, gone because it’s being “renovated”. Hmm. Wasn’t it taken out in September? Okay. Okay. We’ll just sleep here on the concrete floor. On the air mattresses we bought from Hell Mart. Because we’re scared of the bed you’ve thrown into “The Pod” b/c there’s Evidence of Vermin. *shudders*
Contrast — Aunt Sage’s Christmas
The living room is decorated simply and tastefully. Same decor from the late 60s/early 70s. Why mess with success?
All gifts are separated and grouped by person before you arrive.
Each person is to sit in their designated spot. “Ashlee! You are in Kelly’s spot!” (repeated until offender moves)
One person opens at a time and every minute scrap of wrapping paper is to be immediately put into the waiting large black trash bag. “Kelly, please pick up that piece of paper” *pointing to invisible scrap of paper*
All boxes are to be flattened and put itno another black trash bag.
All trash bags with paper and boxes are to be taken with you as you leave. Enjoy the gifts, take yer feckin’ trash with you!
Using the bathroom? Do NOT leave that room without straightening the hand towels. No, go back and make sure they are aligned properly. Again.
Everything is a PROCESS. To be done thoroughly and properly or not at all.
How can both of these things reside within me? Severe OCD tendencies AND hoarding and sloppylaziness? Obviously, I tend toward the sloppylazy but how on earth can there be such extremes in one gene pool?
Still sort of twitching a week later.