Caninus Fabricatus

Am pondering this question today — How can a creature that lacks verbal communication skills LIE so damn much?

Early on, we could see he was a dishonest hound. Big brown eyes that never showed any remorse or even knowledge of wrongdoing.

“Who chewed the leg off the dining room table?” “Not me.”

“Who shat UNDER this bed?” “Not me!” (puppy house training was fun fun fun)

He’s gotten more sophisticated as he’s gotten older. Major poker face, kwim?

“Who stole an entire loaf of bread off this table?” “Bread? What bread? I’m just lying on my bed over here.”

When I’m walking him, he always wants to go up to (aka sniff inappropriately and DOMINATE) other dogs. I sometimes allow it, sometimes I don’t. (I’m in charge, dammit!)  If we don’t have time to socialize, I have to tell him sternly “LEAVE IT” and he is supposed to actually leave it. *snorts*  He will seem to acquiesce and then he starts sniffing as if to search for a pee spot…but what he is actually doing is turning himself around to continue stalking the other dog! Crafty bastard! I’m onto him tho. “I’m onto your tricks, Otis!!” I say to him and I know other people hear me and think I’m batshit crazy. lol

Another bit of trickery is lying about getting a walk. The Frug will ask “Did Otis get a walk today?” and as I glare at him and get ready to compose a snarky retort that “Yes, of course I walked the Black Beast”…Otis will interrupt me by throwing himself to the floor in a heap, let out the saddest and loudest SIGH, and give the Frug a “Bitch never walks me” face. LIAR!!

My favorite though is the conniving feed me feed me lie. I generally feed Otis right when I get up with the kids on school days. (so he can do the dog routine that makes me insane with jealousy — get up, eat a big meal, have a nice poop, and go back to bed for a few hours)  I’ll get a call from the Frug “Did Otis eat?” (and I can hear the SIGH in the background) and I say “YES!” and the Frug will say “But, he’s sitting by the food bin with the saddest hungriest expression on his face!”  I have to reply “BECAUSE HE IS A BIG FAT LIAR!!”  

We haven’t double fed him that many times.  However, he has gotten numerous undeserved treats “But MOM!  He looked so hungry!” Yes, starving obviously. *rolls eyes*  Which is why he’s got 111 lbs on a body that’s suppsoed to only be about 100!

Any other doggy lying liars who lie?!?

This entry was posted on January 18, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments

2 thoughts on “Caninus Fabricatus

  1. I just cracked up. Sounds so much like Fifty, my puppy who is only 6months and has all those characteristics!!! We are not alone!!

  2. I am actually crying here, I’m laughing so hard. So much for giving up gossip websites for Lent – I think I just blew it, looking here.

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