State of the Grooming

Sadly, I would have to classify my State of the Grooming as…decidedly UN. Ungroomed. Wild. Wooly. Unrecognizable. Intolerable.

Hair? Have not had a haircut since Sept. Color? Since I’m so very frugal, I did a “root touch up” at home few weeks ago. Hair is now grey roots, orangey stripe then salon highlights. Sexay.  My color guy also dyes my eyebrows for me (darker) and so they are now all pale, making me look even older and more washed out.

Skin? Realizing I haven’t had a facial in about a year. What.The.Heck?  How did that happen?? And I am all out of my botulism. Real wrinkles and sagging showing up. Caught a glimpse of myself the other day and wondered who that tired grumpy old lady was. And it was me. *sighs*

Got new makeup at Xmas (yeah Ashlee!) and I haven’t even tried it all out!  What? Who am I?

Nails? Had 2 failed Shellacs in the month of December (chipped right away!  WTF?!) and decided to take a break. Had the shellac removed and have been bare-nailed since. Naturally, all nails have broken way down low on the sides, kwim? So they catch on everything and tear. OUCH. Paper thin. Cuticles.

Toes? Haven’t had a pedi in 6 weeks. That’s a long time for me!  Decided that it’s winter and who is really looking at my toes anyway?? Callouses. Dry, cracked old lady heels. Cuticles. Ugh. I do cut my toenails though b/c long toenails creep me out. So there’s that at least. 😉 *sighs*

South of the Border? My oh my. Maybe I should post this all separately? lol Again, because I’m frugal (ahem) and it’s winter, I haven’t had a salon wax since September. Now, before you go thinking I’m sporting an Alaskan, I’ve done some home grooming. With the results you might expect! *snorts*

Have done home waxing. It’s not as horrible as you might think 😉 Really. There are two problems though. 1) the excess wax drips on the floor and is a PITA to get off and b) the excess wax is difficult to get off the skin and sticks to my undies! And then it’s like re-waxing when I take them off! (which might not be a bad thing? haha) Anyway, the home waxing also leaves me with a ton of ingrown hairs which are the bane of my existence. It’s like the opposite of a minefield down there. Pretty!!

Have also used something called Magic Cream Hair Remover. It was highly recommended by some of my Twitter friends. They call it MPC (Magic P*ssy Cream! sorry!!) and it’s formulated for black men to use on their heads/beards and is supposed to prevent ingrown hairs. It’s basically Nair but for coarser hair. Aka pubes. It goes on just like Nair and you scrape it off with a washcloth. It got all the hairs off AND didn’t smell like Nair (WIN)…the problem? Minor chemical burn on the hoohah. I left it on for the minimum time and still got burned!! Hurt to even wear underwear that first night!! Let alone have marital relations. lol


I’m sure there’s more to tell on all these topics but 10 is being needy. Another post. Another day.

Anyway, my bday is coming up and I have to get myself back to MYSELF, kwim.?? I am Kelly Superficial, dammit. All this lack of grooming is making me into a Kelly Real and That. Cannot. Happen.

This entry was posted on January 25, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment

One thought on “State of the Grooming

  1. I could have written this post. I have really let myself go this winter. Thank Goodness for this trip to see Kellie, it gave me an excuse to shave my pits and legs. Also, she took one look at my unpolished toes (hooves) and now we are going for pedicures.

    Waxing? Not done since April. I think that coincides with the last time I had sex.

    Don’t even get me started with my face.

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