Alternate title – “Who Puts the T M in the TMI?”
Please be warned, this post is really TMI. it’s TTMI. It’s TMFI, really.
Men, you are hereby banished. Frug, that means you. Rachel, do NOT read this to Paul. Squeamish and/or judgey people can also exit please.
So, you know how I have been waging a War on Body Hair, right? (much like the Frug has a War on Stuff) How’s it going? A losing battle, I’m afraid. (on both fronts *snorts*)
Since discovering the nether regions were going gray *cries* I’ve been waxing it all off. Seriously, not because it’s “fashionable” or because I want to look like a stripper. *ponders* Well, maybe a very high class call girl. Anywho, I get it either professionally done or using a home waxing thingy (hard wax with a little heater for the wax). The first couple of times, it worked well…then the ingrowns started. Bastards!!
Boy, they’re fun. Challenging. I like to use a magnifying mirror, tweezers, and other implements and just go to town. Home surgery. Poke, prod, squeeze, stab. Like popping zits but when the hair finally spoings out, it’s so amazing!! So satisfying. However, many times, I work and work and get nowhere. Just left with angry, red bumps. PreTTy.
Recently, I’d been working on a particularly stubborn ingrown. I noticed that, even with the magnifying glass, I couldn’t see the hair at all. Dig. Prod. Squeeze. There was a hard bump and it wouldn’t pop or anything. Started getting worried. It seemed like more of a cyst or something. My helpful Twitter friends thought it sounded like a…CARBUNCLE. A WHAT? I refuse to having f*cking carbuncle. (go ahead and google it, it’s HORRIFYING)
Went to the dermo about it. Not humiliating at all. *rolls eyes* I lay in bed the night before worrying that it wasn’t a carbuncle or a cyst…what if it was some sort of skin cancer and I’d have to have half of my lady bits cut off?!?! Probably a toooommmaaahh, kwim? Barely slept.
Long story long. It’s scar tissue. I’ve managed to poke and pick my poor skin enough to form a pea sized lump of scar tissue. The only thing that can be done for it is to cut it out. FML. She gave me a card for a consult with a plastic surgeon. TO CUT SOMETHING OFF OF MY WHOSIT. There’s a part of me that thinks “Ya know what? I AM fancy enough to get plastic surgery on my bits.” Another part of me gasps in horror and hides.
Welp, this definitely helps me out with the people who were pissed at my “Look at me in my black string bikini” pix. They can now look at it and say “Pfft, bitch has carbuncles.”
To be continued…yes…you know you want to hear more…
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