I have to admit, I have always been one of those smug sleepers. Judging you poor sleepers with a condescending look on my face. I am/was a power sleeper. 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep minimum. 10-12 hours preferable. No getting up to pee or anything.
Welp. Adios to that.
I cannot shut off my brain now. Endless streams of doom and gloom scenarios running through my head. Wondering if that woozy sleepy drifting feeling is actually death approaching. I would like to thank the old school kids’ prayer for this particular fear. “…if I should die before I wake…” Gee, thanks for putting that thought in my head FOREVER. I seriously lie there wondering if I’m about to die. Start counting my heart beats. Start to fall asleep, stop counting and then panic that THIS IS IT.
Then, I toss and turn because my back hurts or an arm starts to fall sleep — or it is a STROKE?
Then, I start making lists of the appointments I need to make: cardiologist, psychiatrist, chiropractor…
Was thinking also of how to have the perfect night’s sleep. First off, I think a catheter. Seriously. All the people who need to get up to pee all night have messed up sleep. Insert catheter. Problem solved. And, I know of 2 people who POOP at night. (I thought only babies pooped at night??) Anyway, obviously a poop bag is in order for them. (Side note: getting UP to poop is better than not getting up, right? Nothing ruins your night more than shitting the bed) Anyway. How to address the comfort factor? Floating would be nice. Maybe a water bed? (Do they even make them anymore?) Or a floating pod-type thing. I know the Japanese have something like this. Some sort of gelatinous substance…warmed to whatever you deem the perfect temperature…but it can’t actually touch your skin. *shrieks* What else? Pillows? They are a total PITA. Too soft, too firm. No one actually sleeps only on their backs or only on their sides…soooo, my thought it sort of a sleep rotisserie. Something that rotates you. This would also eliminate sleep wrinkles on one side of the face. But then having oneself on a spit would be rather rude and invasive…what with the poop bag and catheter already violating you…so, the gel pod would slowly rotate.
Don’t other people think of this stuff? I had thought of detachable arms b/c that would really help side sleepers. Where are your arms supposed to go????? Irritating.
My mind is active…this is good, right? lol
Please brain, let me sleep. But not die in my sleep.