Tag Archive | cougwhore

Blake Griffin — Evidence of a Dunk Contest SCANDAL?

Blake Griffin — Evidence of a Dunk Contest SCANDAL?.

Okay, I know this is NOT my usual fare. Why would *I* care about this?? Because, believe it or not, I actually WATCHED this the other night!  Me?! lol The Frug and I were out on our weekly date (after an entire WEEK apart *cue dramatic tears*) and this was on in the dive bar we went to after some yummy Thai food.

I hated this guy – Blake Griffin, LA Clippers. He was so showboaty and “LA”, kwim?  And this douchey slam-dunk-over-a-car biznaz repulsed me! And apparently, some clown on the internet is pissy b/c Blake hasn’t admitted this was a “stolen” idea. Whatever.

More importantly, I looked prettah hot that night. So hot that some clown TOUCHED me inappropriately. Seriously. The Frug was in the mens room and I felt a finger trace along the area where my shirt had ridden up above the back of my jeans. I whipped my head around and the guy next to me had that “innocent whistle” face on.  I switched places with the Frug when he came back….I can’t prove that the guy touched me but I just know he did. MFWTF?

Prior to that, a group of weirdos with full beards and knit ski caps got thrown out for harassing a waitress. The place was seriously rapey. I was worried that, if there were pinball machines there, it would end up being right out of The Accused, kwim?

Good times.

Oh, speaking of rape (nice and most unusual segue!), here’s Ashlee’s lovely addition to the Urban Dictionary

Rapenoxious

Being righteous or eager to tell your own rape story.

“Whoa, I didn’t know you were raped!”
“yeah, cause I’m not all rapenoxious about it.”
It’s no Cougwhore, but everyone must start somewhere, kwim?


My 2009 Words!

I can still remember the THRILL of adding a word to the Urban Dictionary!  July 15th. Published! Woot! Adding to the English language! Me??!! 🙂

To review:

  1. Cougwhore
  2. Old Whore
  3. Mysterious Male Friend
  4. Festival of Whores
  5. Whoregasm
  6. Priestentious
  7. Cougar Maintenance
  8. Cougar Mange

Click the link and go to Urban Dictionary!

Words from Me

So, why do I want to go to an SNL taping?

 

images-7

Damn SNL and it's ticket f*ckery

I know, I know, I am NOT going. F*ck me.  However, here’s the little scenario that was going thru my head prior to my hopes being dashed by some ho who won’t do her job for me 😉

It’s SNLRobert Pattinson makes a surprise appearance.  They can’t have him host b/c of the media frenzy his hotness would cause.  They have him in the Cougar Den.  In full Edward Cullen mode.  MMMMMM.

NewMoonEdward(4)

I love you, Edward

Anyway, it’s the Cougar Den. Funny skit they do with a bunch of NY (Brooklyn? some suburb with an annoying accent) cougwhores talking and being whores, etc.  This time, they allow audience participation.  I get to go on stage, with Edward (le sigh), and get to say and DO very inappropriate things.

Why can’t this actually happen??  And don’t try to talk to me about ‘the REAL World’ and ‘fantasy versus reality’, damnit.

Snuggie?  Zin?  Where are you??

(trying to embed a video and am failing miserably. Click here to go to hulu to see Alec Baldwin in the Cougar Den)

Cougwhore Catalog

Well, I had been planning to write about the paps chasing Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart this weekend in the ‘Couv (I feel so sorry for them! Being chased like that would make me be even more of a complete beech lol)…went out to get the mail and had to change my plan! Rachel and I just emailed about this catalog a month ago…I have seen some cute things in it and Rachel said she thought it was “sexy sophisticated”…well, got the latest Boston Proper catalog and it is now officially the Cougwhore Catalog.  Filled w/images of b*tches who are trying waaaayyy too hard to be ‘hot’ and ‘sexay’. The cover model is a JLo wannabe with cowboy hat, feathered hair, feathered sweater (gah!) and Ho Hoops.

ugh, JLo should sue!

ugh, JLo should sue!

Lots of the clothes look like it’s ‘Real Housewives of Aspen’ or something…and that is NOT a good thing.

It’s a shame b/c they had some fun things before…now I have the Ick.

MILF/MELF? Cougar/Cougwhore? Old Whore? Sea Hag?

Sigh. Trying to define these terms…and decide the differences between them when there are such similarities between them all. Btw, I like MELF rather than MILF. I would much rather be one whom EVERYONE would like to f*ck than just be limited to the *I*! LOL

Btw, Urban Dictionary also has MELF as this:

slang acronym similar in usage to milf which means “Midget or Elf I’d Like to Fuck”

“Check out that midget.”
“Yeah, that’s one hot MELF.”

Hilarious and BAD! LOL  Makes me think of Chelsea Handler. And I do love her. Read her book ‘Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea” and laughed til the white zin came out of my nose. There’s a chapter about when she meets a Little Person who looks just like her. Almost as funny as her being body-cavity-searched in a LA jail…

Anyway.

So, I think that a Cougar can transition into a MELF after recovering her hotness apres the gory ravages of pregnancy and childbirth. A friend also said that cougars, by her definition, are preying on men at least 10 years younger than they are. I can see that.  However, I also see the Cougwhore being a major manhunter.  Older or younger, she is looking for some ack-shun. Saw some cougwhores at the Starboard in Dewey, prime hunting grounds. (btw, the Sea Hags appear to prefer the Rusty Rudder for their antics) They looked good. Well preserved but perhaps a bit too preserved and too well-dressed for the venue. One of them was wearing this awesome halter top from South Moon Under:

fierce halter top seen on Cougwhore at Starboard

fierce halter top seen on Cougwhore at Starboard

But, it was just a bit much for the Starboard. Would have been better out in a fun club in NYC or even DC. The other comment about the ladies was the botox. Just a bit too much. They had a those eyebrows that are just a little bit too far apart. Adds to their feline predator aura. If I were a guy I would be scared! Nothing wrong with botox at all. I hear (ahem) that it can look very good and natural if it’s done judiciously.

The Frug and I were blatantly checking them out. I was very pleased to get a side eye from one of them as she checked out my SHOES!  The ones I am in love with and wearing even though it’s not fall yet. Check ’em out!

Kelly's Faboo Shoes!

Kelly's Faboo Shoes!

The Frug LOVES them too. And, since I used my 20% birthday coupon from South Moon Under, they were a steal, right?! LOL  Wore them with a simple tee and possibly too short skirt…I will def. wear these all fall and winter with jeans. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

So, where was I? I think I am ready to continue to my own category, the Sea Hag. which, in my eyes, is just an Old Whore by the Sea! I have moved on from Old Whore-ishness to Sea Hag by virtue of my extra blonde hair and sun damaged skin. We did notice that the Sea Hags are usually drunk and having fun. So, they look like shit but are enjoying life…not bad, right?! Kill.me.now.  The Sea Hags at the Rudder were wasted at 4pm and dancing to the steel drum band’s musicial stylings. Hmmm, and so was I! LOL  Just realizing that my new Fall goal is to return to being an Old Whore!  MELF-dom may be out of reach. That’s sad, no?  We shall see. I am determined to conquer this hair color problem and the sun damage (will be using TriLuma and getting either microderm or peels – which?) and hitting the gym more often…pray for me! LOL

2 New Terms Published in the Urban Dictionary

Joining “Cougwhore” and “Old Whore” are:

Festival of Whores

Place where there are lots of available women.

“Dude, how was the action in Dewey?” “Awesome, it was like a Festival of Whores.”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=festival+of+whores

and

Mysterious Male Friend

New friend of your maybe-gaybe buddy.

“Did Joe bring a date?” “Nah, he was with one of his Mysterious Male Friends.”

“Dude, ran into your buddy Steve. Wearing guyliner. With a Mysterious Male Friend.”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mysterious+male+friend