Reading an article about the Bachelorette, Emily Maynard and the poor sap she chose. Apparently, they are “on the rocks” due to a “cheating scandal“…Hmm. Let’s take a look at the happy couple:
Can anyone identify the real problem?? Um, hello? Maybe the fact that he is GAY!?!!! Look at the gay face he’s sporting. And the deep vee neck blue tee shirt with long necklace…and hint of man cleavage…and the highlights? GAY GAY GAY.
you are tall, thin and neat, and yet not gay. Or that thin actually.
you have a full head of black hair and soft carmel-y brown eyes. Just like Otis. Hmm.
you seem willing to look at my myriad shortcomings and see them as part of my charm.
you are unfailingly patient w/the kids even when they are acting like defiant little pigs.
even during some dark times, you wake up early, get in the shower, and get right to work.
you don’t smoke, play golf or gamble.
you are a “world renowned mobile media expert.”
all dogs give you the head nod as they pass…like ‘yo Brad! s’up?’
you would rob a bank for me as long as I was wearing my black leather pants.
I can make you a grilled cheese sandwich and you make ‘yum’ noises over it.
you like to workout but don’t need to do “Centuries” or swim laps across the Potomoc.
even after working out, you don’t smell! Just Coppertone and salt – which is a sexy combo 😉
you are creative and kind.
you are also persistant and perseverant…as all Customer Service reps (and their Supervisors and Managers) who have dared to cross you now know.
you say things like “Being Frugal Can be Fun” and are completely serious.
you whip out the air guitar and sing inappropriate song lyrics after fun nights out.
You proved to be very wily prey for me…but ultimately, no match for my hunting skills. My telemarketing (which ranged from the simple “I love you” calls to the angry “do you really want to die alone like your friend Bob?”) and direct mail campaigns doomed you to a life with me! LOL
I love you and feel lucky to have you as my husband!