Tag Archive | novasure

Grateful List

I know, I know. It’s not like me at all to be GRATEFUL. I’m more likely to have a year-end Bitch List (which may still happen!)

  • Twilight – Okay, okay, I realize my obsession is a little over the top. ¬†Especially for my age! ūüėČ But, I am grateful b/c, after all this time, I am reading again. I used to read all the time. I was a person who would stay up all night just to finish a book. ¬†(not college textbooks, mind you. Those were guaranteed to put me to sleep! lol) Then the kids came and I switched to trashy magazines b/c the Mommy Brain can only handle a certain amount of info without exploding. But, thank you Robin, I was introduced to the Twilight Saga and I now READ again! My brain cells are regenerating! ¬†I think???
  • Robert Pattinson – It seems odd to be grateful for a celeb, right? But, having a celeb crush really brightened up my days and (relatives, close your eyes…or skip to the next item!) really sexxed up my nights! lol and not at all kidding. First, thanks to Edward Cullen for that and now it’s Rob. The Frug doesn’t care who he has to thank but I know he’s grateful too! ūüėČ
  • The Frug – without him, I would most assuredly be living, with my 30 cats, in a van down by the river. ¬†Actually, probably in a box down by the river. Best thing I ever did was lure him into my web… ¬†Thanks to his kindness and business acumen, I don’t have to work and can spend hours blogging and shopping and doing Cougar Maintenance! 3 Cheers for the Frug!
  • The Kids – specifically, that they are NOT toddlers anymore. No public tantrums. (they still happen here at home tho, grumble) ¬†No pooping in their pants. Their issues are more complex now but at least I don’t have to wipe their poopy butts. So, there’s that…
  • Doggie Day Care – without it, I wouldn’t be able to have friends over for dinner (envision the food stealing/barking/humping)…have new floors put in…have a day to myself, EVER. And, the pup LOVES it. And, they seem to love him there…the Beast *has* been kicked out of one day care already so this one is a keeper! lol
  • My Friends – who are an endless source of support…and fodder for my blog! ¬†Love and kisses! ūüėČ
  • Latisse – I may just mention my eyelashes in every post from now til the end of time. My new haircut person asked me if they were eyelash extensions! (I now love her, obvs) ¬†It’s the little things, folks…
  • Shapeups – They WORK. And, for this 43 yr old Old Whore, finding something that actually WORKS is a damn miracle. Spread the word! ūüėČ
  • Novasure Endometrial Ablation – No period since August. A life changer for me. Seriously.
  • This Blog – Yes, it’s mindless. It’s most certainly superficial. But, it’s such an amazing outlet for my evil and creativity. And, since the majority of my friends work (quit your jobs, damnit!!!), this is a way for me to communicate with them…and the WORLD! muahaha
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Quick State of the Uterus

Any men here? ¬†Go AWAY! ¬†This is a post about my girl bits and it’s not a sexay topic this time! ¬†Shoo! ¬†Anyone squeamish? ¬†Go home! ¬†Do not read this!

You have been warned!

Okay, so back in Sept., I had an endometrial ablation done…Novasure to be exact. ¬†Basically, I had been having 10+ day periods for years. And they were, shall we say (you asked for it!), bloody with a chance of clots. Actually, not just a chance. It was always…chunky. ¬†It was like a horror film in my bathroom. ¬†Sorry. ¬†It was. ¬†There was an incident in the bathroom in the Atlanta airport. ¬†I was gushing so badly that I wasn’t sure if I could ever leave the bathroom, let alone get on an airplane. ¬†(the good news was that worrying about hemorrhaging to death took the edge off of my fear of flying!) ¬†Something had to be done. ¬†I can’t take the Pill (which seems to be the cure-all, magic bullet to every doc I have ever been to)…it makes me more evil. ¬†Can you imagine??? ¬†It seems impossible but it IS possible.

Back to the Novasure. ¬†Basically, they nuke the inside of the uterus, cauterizing it. Killing the endometrium. ¬†F*ck that endometrium! HA! ¬†Who needs it?! Certainly not me, 43 years old, evil, 2 very very special children already… The doc told me that many people end up with ZERO periods, ever. ¬†But, they obviously cannot guarantee that. She said that hopefully, I would get 80% relief. ¬†So, 80% off of a 10 day period is 2 days. ¬†I thought that seemed like a miracle. ¬†The procedure was quick and I was blissfully OUT for it. ¬†Had some watery discharge for about 10 days, maybe 2.5 weeks. Nothing major. ¬†A little crampy for the first day afterward. ¬†Again, not bad.

It’s been 3 months now. ¬†I have had maybe 2 days of period, here and there. Not even a need for a tampon. Just a smudge of red. No cramping. Nothing. ¬†The only reason I knew to look for something was the sore PMS boobs. AND, get this. ¬†I have lost somewhere between 5-7 lbs since I had it done. ¬†I am pretty sure the Novasure procedure had something to do with it. ¬†I haven’t done anything else differently. No diets, no diet pills (for once! lol), nothing. ¬†I had read that the endometrium secretes hormones…maybe by getting rid of it, my hormonal weight said buh-bye?? ¬†Who knows. ¬†But I will take it, thank you very much.

It’s a life changer. Seriously. ¬†I don’t gush (haha–PUN!) over things but this was the best decision I have ever made! ¬†Even if the periods came back tomorrow, getting a few months respite from the hellish, chunky flow was worth it. ¬†Haven’t had to buy the 100 pack of Super Tampons. ¬†Haven’t had to worry about leaking onto my clothes. ¬†Nothing. ¬†Amazing.

Christmas carols, stellar parenting, and still an Old Whore

Have had some complaints about the blog-less-ness.  Sorry!  Am so overwhelmed by the holidays!  Am overwhelmed to the point of paralysis though, kwim?!  Sigh.

So, last week, the kids’ school had what they call ‘the Christmas Prayer’…it’s not like a concert or a pageant or anything. ¬†It’s basically just in the church, kids singing, not on stage or anything. One hour max. Very low key. Perfect. ¬†Seriously. Even *I* cannot bitch and moan about it. I actually have nothing mean or sarcastic to say! ¬†It’s a Christmas Miracle! ¬†LOL ¬†I sit there and just soak in everything that is right about the holidays! All kids dressed up, cleaned up nice and pretty…singing their hearts out (except for the 6th grade — all mumbling and self conscious already?! Btw, this is my Garrett’s grade, so I can make the comment freely!) and just so sweet. They end with Silent Night…lights dimmed, candles flickering, me crying. ¬†Every.Damn.Time. ¬†Each year I say “I will NOT cry” and yet I cry! ¬†Why?! ¬†Maybe I have a heart after all? ¬†Maybe there’s hope for me?

Nope.

Earlier that day, I showed my true colors. The Evil was out in full force. Mornings are tough around here. My firstborn and I are so alike, in all the worst ways. I think that God definitely has a mean sense of humor, giving me myself in male form…Sarcastic, sloppy, procrastinators. Garrett and I should just not speak to one another until noon. ¬†He and I are Not-Morning.People. We are tired and grumpy and should be left alone. ¬†The Frug and Peter bounce out of bed, happy, chatty, ready to start the day. I hate them. Anyway, this particular morning, we were running a bit late. I have to light a fire under Garrett, who wants to just stay in bed and moan loudly about how unfair life is. I *try* to stay pleasant, which goes against my very nature. Come ‘on, out of bed…time for breakfast…Peter is already up, dressed, fed, and has brushed his teeth. ¬†G finally gets up and eats, bitching about which cereal I have selected. OMG, MOM! I hate this kind! ¬†Never ever buy this again! We glare at each other. He stumbles up stairs, literally. It’s now 7:30am and we should be in the car. I have to start with the Let’s GO! Hurry UP! I mutter some minor expletives under my breath. He’s in there, gelling his hair. He is 11. He uses that God-Awful AXE body wash and deodorant spray and extra firm hair gel to spike his bangs up just so. OMG, MOM! ¬†My hair is SO UGLY! ¬†And now I have toothpaste on my shirt! ¬†AAAHHHH ¬†I can’t go to school!!!!!!! And then he throws himself back into his bed. Screaming about being too ugly. ¬†HE.IS.A BOY. I end up shouting something like ‘Get the ()$&%%#* out of your bed RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!’ (insert which ever expletive you want…you won’t be too far off)

Yep, Best Mom Ever. Hope the Frug has some $$ put aside for therapy for his Mommy Issues.  Sigh.

Finally, despite my best efforts over the last few months, I still look like an Old Whore. I *do* have stellar eyelashes…but Old Whore with great lashes is still an Old Whore. ¬†If I have the energy, I shall post later about the miracle that is Latisse, my current hair color, the state of my uterus, and the haggardness that is my face.

Merry Christmas. Grumble.