Tag Archive | sea hags

Today’s Ravens Game

Well, sports fans, it was an ugly day in Baltimore.   The weather was amazingly beautiful but the football and, I am sad to say, the fans were u-g-l-y!   The Frug and I had yet another babysitter (the Frug is not frugal w/the sitters, thank goodness!) and we drove an hour up to Baltimore to meet friends of ours and see the game.  The folks we met are 2 of my favorite people!  Not sure if they want to be named (and their names are pretty unique) so I shall call them Gary and Mary.  Great people, always ready for fun, and are just happy people…you know the couples you meet up with who snipe at each other and make you feel uncomfortable?  Not Gary and Mary.  I’m just sad that they are geographically undesirable and so we don’t see them all that often. 😦

So, back to the fans. You may remember I blogged about our fun anniversary night in Fell’s Point and we saw all these young, fun, attractive people?  Well, apparently those people don’t go to Ravens games! 😉  The men and women dress alike.  Ravens team jerseys and purple camouflage pants.

okay, this girl is cute in the unisex Ravens fan uniform

okay, this girl is cute in the unisex Ravens fan uniform

It’s a really good look. Hot actually.  Heavy sarcasm.  Actually, the average woman I saw today looked like this:

oh my gawd, Hon! I love them Ravens!

oh my gawd, Hon! I love them Ravens!

So, envision Edna Turnblad in a Todd Heap jersey and purple camo pants. And she’s drunk.  And maybe ready to kick your ass.  The Bengals pulled ahead in the 4th quarter and Edna Turnblad and her mother, daughter, and grandkids all were screaming YOU SUCK REF! at the top of their lungs.  Pretty.  Oh, I texted Hope (Ravens fan who does NOT look like Edna above!) and asked where she was sitting…she texted back w/the info and the helpful tidbit ‘I’m wearing my Flacco jersey’…yeah, that’ll help me find you 😉

Also pretty was the old Sea Hag in the restroom who asked me ‘do you have any eyeliner I can borrow? I’ve cried all of mine off’ Um NO, I do NOT have any eyeliner that a STRANGER can borrow. So sorry. >;-)

Btw, *I* looked cute but I felt the hate rolling off the Ravens Hags (oooh!  I like that term! or would they be Ravens Whores??)  They were looking at me like ‘prissy Northern Virginia beyotch in your miniskirt and Gap tee and coordinating purple scarf!’  I was scared of them.

Anyway, won’t go into too much detail about the ride home.  It was as ugly as the game.  I drove, the Frug cursed the Ravens and had 2 beers while balancing 7 layer dip on his lap…sexay! LOL

** Editing in–The Frug says my assessment of the Ravens fans is completely inaccurate and that they are the same as any other NFL fans.  Oookkkaaaayyyyy.  Anyone want to weigh in on this?**


12 years of Wedded Bliss

12 years!  Wahooo!  Time flies in the Land of the Frugal!  We went up to Baltimore to celebrate our love – a beloved tradition – and no kids!  Woo hoo!

admiralfellStayed at the Admiral Fell Inn.  So cute and it’s right in super-fun Fell’s Point!  Trivia: we may have conceived Master Pedro there when the Ravens were in the playoffs on New Year’s Eve ’00 😉  Spent the afternoon watching college football at Max’s.  Had a SURLY bartender who thought he was super funny.  He was acting like I was being High Maintenance when I ordered my hamburger PLAIN and with all condiments OFF the plate!  Harrumph. Irritated me beyond belief!  But, after I got my Zin on, all was good!  Got some great dining recommendations from our nieces, Emily and Stacey…ended up at Pazo. Had yummy tapas and sangria! And the people watching was terrific. I was surprised at how many ‘beautiful people’ were there.  I was on the lookout for Sea Hags since we were at a seaport but no!  When we first walked in, it looked like a SuperModel Convention!  The Frug was NOT complaining! 😉

One important note about the Anniversary is that I usually get a pass to spend some $$ on a fun outfit and mani/pedi, etc. I actually wore, for the first time, the infamous SKINNY jeans!  Yes, I managed to squeeze my ginormous calves into them!   Paired them w/a charcoal gray semi-drapey halter top w/some fun jewels at the neckline.  And, of course, wore a pair of sky-high heels…always trying to lengthen those legs!  My hair cooperated, despite the rain.  Life was good.

Oh, and it seems like my new skin care routine (the ‘reverse the sun damage’ plan) is starting to work!  The Frug said that my skin seemed smoother and that the dark spots are less noticeable.  Yeah!

So, we partied like rockstars but had to get up semi-early to get home to the kiddies.  Peter had the sitter (the awesome CRISTA!) text me at 9am to get our ETA!  So, home, picnic, football…All in all, a good anniversary AND a good way to kick-off the next 12 years…

To Do List for Fall

Okay, the temperature out there in the last week or so has made me think FALL might actually be here. Seriously though, how does the weather *know* that Labor Day is over?  Seems like BAM, temps drop, the sun sets earlier…even the quality of the sunlight is different…then again, it could be that I FINALLY have some Kelly Time and can actually see straight now that the angels are in school?! 😉

So, the Sea Hag fiasco

googled "Sea Hag" and found this! LOL

googled "Sea Hag" and found this! LOL

during my Dewey vacation and its ugly aftermath has helped me set some Fall Goals:

  1. Take care of my SKIN! Get rid of those dark patches and fine lines and make myself NOT look 43 (or older!)
  2. Treadmill needs to become my bestie.  Frenemy?
  3. Do some Body Pump classes at the gym.  I *know* they work and give me results….why don’t I ‘just do it’????
  4. LOWLIGHTS. Deep conditioning treatments! De-Straw the ‘do!
  5. Find some sort of STYLE that suits my age and body type and personality.  This one is going to be very tough!
  6. Find a bra that actually fits and lifts the girls UP to their pre-baby position!
  7. Organize my closet!
  8. Eat healthier!  (with summer over, I guess those funnel cakes will stop taunting me, right?)

    mmmmmm funnel cake drool slobber

    mmmmmm funnel cake drool slobber

In general, I guess this list could be summed up by “Stop looking like a Fat Old Whore!”  I have taken some baby steps already…have started hitting the gym immediately post-carpool…I have zero energy in the a.m. but if I put the workout off til later…it just doesn’t happen!  Polly Procrastinator and her sister Lazy Lucy want me to sit in my office and surf the internet for Rob Pattinson pix

mmmmmmm Robert Pattinson

mmmmmmm Robert Pattinson

and Twilight/New Moon info instead! 😉  See also: spending time on customizedgirl.com designing my Mrs. Cullen thong…it takes TIME!  Which font? Which color panty and which color screenprint?  So much to do, so little time!  Oh, btw, found this guy’s blog…it’s Kristen Stewart Wants It…it cracked me up…he writes haikus and talks about how much KStew wants it…funny stuff 😉

Where was I? Oh, making progress on de-hagifying myself…have an appt for a facial…have started taking off my make-up at night (seriously, this is probably the first time in my life that I have done this)…and then I am applying Latisse on my lashes and a ‘firming’ night cream on the dehydrated face…what else?  Have an appt to get my color done…buh bye brassy!  Hello, silky lowlighted locks? HA!  It seems like no matter what I ask for, it’s just BLONDE.  Grrr  I like Bar Rafeali’s color (she used to date Leonardo DiCaprio…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue…

See, brown hair w/blonde highlights-why is that so hard to get?

See, brown hair w/blonde highlights-why is that so hard to get?

She is replacing gorgeous Gisele in the True Religion ads b/c Gisele is preggo w/potentially the world’s most perfect baby – seriously Gisele and Tom Brady??  Hope all those perfect gorgeous genes don’t combust and make a fug baby! 😉

Oh, one more thing…I bought a pair of skinny jeans!  Can you believe it??  I know!  One of my first blogs was about how I HATE them and how you need to ask yourself ‘am I skinny?’ before thinking about wearing them!  I guess it’s like anything else…first you mock it…then it worms it’s way into your brain…and then you have to have it!  LOL  Haven’t worn them yet. Still thinking about the shoes.  Ash says ballet flats but I cannot CANNOT wear those!!

see? even this model looks a little dumpy w/flats...

see? even this model looks a little hippy w/flats...

Stumpy legs in skinny jeans and flats??  If you see me in ballet flats, just shoot me, please. Found this at Women’s Fashion Suite:

Skinny Jeans with Flats

There is another way to wear designer skinny jeans, but it’s difficult to pull off, as it exaggerates the hips and butt, and can make even slender women look heavy. This infamous style is, of course, the skinny jean worn with flat shoes. A word of warning: skinny jeans should never be worn with sneakers.

Soooo, gotta sign off now…the Black Beast needs to roam our neighborhood in search of the best spots for his pee…

From MELF to Sea Hag in 7 Short Days

I have to say WTF to myself. I arrived at the beach in decent shape, hair under control (in need of some root touch-up but not terrible), skin okay…flash-forward to today…arrived home probably 5 lbs. up, no exercise in 7 days – f.l.a.b.b.y., hair HUGE and YELLOW and fried despite hair products guaranteed to protect against color fade-age and damage, skin blotchy and sun damaged despite SPF 70 and lots of time spent under a beach umbrella….

In every pic w/Ashley, I look like an Amazon Sea Hag trying to steal her youth and devour her soul…btw, her new nickname (can’t take credit, damnit) is Polly Pocket…she is so tiny, you can fit her in your pocket. Large bitches like me are mad jealous of tiny bitches like her! LOL and yet absolutely not kidding.

Had a tee-rif time. Too much alcohol. Delicious Coconut Crushes…made w/freshly squeezed OJ and Coconut Rum…The Frug says it tastes like suntan lotion but F him, kwim! LOL Drink your Miller Lites and let Mama have her fruity drank! LOLOL Too much food. All yellow and beige this week…meaning FRIED like my hair! Fried Shrimp, Fried Chicken, French Fries…the capper? Funnel Cakes on the Boardwalk last night…with a teeny tiny Kohr Bros choc. dipped vanilla cone. Slobber…. Wait! Had tomato sauce…on the Grotto pizza I ate DAILY. It counts, right?!

More later with my thoughts on beach house rentals and people who vomit on the carpet and do NOT clean it up…water parks…large families who think they should rule the world (or at least be able to take all tables in restaurants, cut in front of you in lines, and be LOUD as they screech futile orders at their snot nosed offspring)…

Will post my Fall Goals soon…to include taking OFF that Fried Food Five pounds and toning my hair AND ass AND ridding myself of this sun damaged skin. Someone warn the Frug that “Kelly Grooming” is gonna be way Over Budget this Fall!