Tag Archive | Urban Dictionary

Tiny Wins Make Living in the Tundra Bearable

Win #1 — Overcame my evil Rejection Streak with the folks at Urban Dictionary ! My new word is Tweetsturbate!

You’ve just replied to yourself on Twitter…that’s Tweetsturbating! (tweet + masturbate). Similar to writing on your own Wall on Facebook. It’s a faux pas. It just isn’t done.

Win #2 — also from Twitter — and btw, please don’t follow me on Twitter, the stuff I post there makes this blog look G rated…Anyway, I got an email from Nordies alerting me to some NEW SPRING SHOES!! *screeches*  Looking at the shoes made me feel hopeful…like Spring will actually come..someday. I found a pair that gave me a shuddering shoegasm…Take a gander at these Vera Wang’s:

*convulsing*

A veritable steal at $425, right? *rolls eyes* BUT I LOVE THEM! Can’t you just see me in them??? *sighs*

So, I tweeted about them…and @Nordstrom saw my tweet and re-tweeted it to ALL of their followers!!! Almost 99,000 people follow @Nordstrom. And they ALL saw something *I* said. I am drunk on my newfound power. *giggles*

@Nordstrom A resounding “YES” to those shoes. RT @kelysuperficial: Sweet Mary Mother of Shoegasms http://bit.ly/fHU856
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My 2009 Words!

I can still remember the THRILL of adding a word to the Urban Dictionary!  July 15th. Published! Woot! Adding to the English language! Me??!! 🙂

To review:

  1. Cougwhore
  2. Old Whore
  3. Mysterious Male Friend
  4. Festival of Whores
  5. Whoregasm
  6. Priestentious
  7. Cougar Maintenance
  8. Cougar Mange

Click the link and go to Urban Dictionary!

Words from Me

REPOST: Apeshit versus Batshit

Interesting title, no?  Was pondering the differences between apeshit and batshit the other day…when doing mindless stuff like dogwalking, the brain tends to wander.  Well, mine does.  I suppose this is another example of why I probably should get a job or something.  But, this blog is called Kelly’s Superficial'”, right?  You don’t come here looking for intellectual dialogue!

Anywho, shit in general has always fascinated me. Size, color, the myriad shapes! And the smell, always the smell. I blame my Baby Alive doll

this doll and my easy bake oven were my all time fav toys!

this doll and my easy bake oven were my all time fav toys!

for starting this. Do you remember that doll?  Feed her green peas, she pooped green!  Feed her peaches, out came peach colored poop!  Amazing! 😉  God help me.  When my children came, it was a whole new world of poop!  All colors of the rainbow!  Massive blowouts!  Woo!  Now, having a dog has really given me more fodder for my poop obsession.  I have the honor of picking up steaming heaps of it daily!  And, since it is coming out of a 105 lb. beast who eats garbage off the streets, in addition to his 3 aquare meals a day and whatever he can steal off the kids’ plates…well, you can imagine the heavenly sh*t I have encountered over the past couple of years!

Back to ape & bat shit. And, I am thinking purely in colloquial terms here.  I think of apeshit as being really angry, crazy like an ape, beating your chest, grunting, howling, apeshit!  Example:  “The Frug is going to go APESHIT when the AmEx bill arrives!”

Now, batshit seems to always be batshit crazy.  Why is that? Did some digging (again, time on my hands!) and it appears to have to do with actual batshit (guano – what a great word!!!) making people crazy!  Found this tidbit:

Bat guano collecting in caves invites parasites. Some of the parasites can cause health problems in humans. Or least strange behavior (like a flea infestation) in some humans. I think there used to be rumor about breathing in parasites from bat and/or bird droppings and the parasites then eating in to your brain causing erratic behaviour.

Back in Sept., we went up to a friend’s farm up in PA. They had this enormous barn/stable. Super high ceilings. It has been used for small concerts/festivals, etc. b/c it is that big.  I was trying to avoid the horses (see List of Things Kelly is Afraid of) so I didn’t notice the weird screeching noises.  What I did notice were the little brown nuggets on the ground…made a loud crackling/crunching sound when you stepped on them (and there was so much of it, you *had* to step on it)…I asked our hostess about them…her reply? “oh, it’s just bat guano”  W.T.F.?? I then realized that *IF* I looked up (which I refused to do!!), I would have seen the hundreds (literally) of BATS in the rafters. holyf*chkingshitbatsOMGvomitdie I didn’t know where to look or where to go without stepping in more freaking GUANO. You know what? I was going BATSHIT crazy!!  😉

For further info and “real” definitions, see apeshit and batshit

MILF/MELF? Cougar/Cougwhore? Old Whore? Sea Hag?

Sigh. Trying to define these terms…and decide the differences between them when there are such similarities between them all. Btw, I like MELF rather than MILF. I would much rather be one whom EVERYONE would like to f*ck than just be limited to the *I*! LOL

Btw, Urban Dictionary also has MELF as this:

slang acronym similar in usage to milf which means “Midget or Elf I’d Like to Fuck”

“Check out that midget.”
“Yeah, that’s one hot MELF.”

Hilarious and BAD! LOL  Makes me think of Chelsea Handler. And I do love her. Read her book ‘Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea” and laughed til the white zin came out of my nose. There’s a chapter about when she meets a Little Person who looks just like her. Almost as funny as her being body-cavity-searched in a LA jail…

Anyway.

So, I think that a Cougar can transition into a MELF after recovering her hotness apres the gory ravages of pregnancy and childbirth. A friend also said that cougars, by her definition, are preying on men at least 10 years younger than they are. I can see that.  However, I also see the Cougwhore being a major manhunter.  Older or younger, she is looking for some ack-shun. Saw some cougwhores at the Starboard in Dewey, prime hunting grounds. (btw, the Sea Hags appear to prefer the Rusty Rudder for their antics) They looked good. Well preserved but perhaps a bit too preserved and too well-dressed for the venue. One of them was wearing this awesome halter top from South Moon Under:

fierce halter top seen on Cougwhore at Starboard

fierce halter top seen on Cougwhore at Starboard

But, it was just a bit much for the Starboard. Would have been better out in a fun club in NYC or even DC. The other comment about the ladies was the botox. Just a bit too much. They had a those eyebrows that are just a little bit too far apart. Adds to their feline predator aura. If I were a guy I would be scared! Nothing wrong with botox at all. I hear (ahem) that it can look very good and natural if it’s done judiciously.

The Frug and I were blatantly checking them out. I was very pleased to get a side eye from one of them as she checked out my SHOES!  The ones I am in love with and wearing even though it’s not fall yet. Check ’em out!

Kelly's Faboo Shoes!

Kelly's Faboo Shoes!

The Frug LOVES them too. And, since I used my 20% birthday coupon from South Moon Under, they were a steal, right?! LOL  Wore them with a simple tee and possibly too short skirt…I will def. wear these all fall and winter with jeans. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

So, where was I? I think I am ready to continue to my own category, the Sea Hag. which, in my eyes, is just an Old Whore by the Sea! I have moved on from Old Whore-ishness to Sea Hag by virtue of my extra blonde hair and sun damaged skin. We did notice that the Sea Hags are usually drunk and having fun. So, they look like shit but are enjoying life…not bad, right?! Kill.me.now.  The Sea Hags at the Rudder were wasted at 4pm and dancing to the steel drum band’s musicial stylings. Hmmm, and so was I! LOL  Just realizing that my new Fall goal is to return to being an Old Whore!  MELF-dom may be out of reach. That’s sad, no?  We shall see. I am determined to conquer this hair color problem and the sun damage (will be using TriLuma and getting either microderm or peels – which?) and hitting the gym more often…pray for me! LOL