Niche Marketing

So, today’s Kelly Time (all 90 minutes of it) included browsing through the feminine hygiene aisle at Target, as one does…I posted the photo earlier of the poorly named “Radiant” tampons. Good Lord. Radiant? I want mine to be “sturdy” or “tough” or something. Radiance is not a quality that will make me want to buy your tampons.

Anyway.

All kinds of interesting items in that aisle now. Did you know that there are Trojan brand VIBRATORS?  At Target?! All kinds of “intense” lube and massive condoms. Sort of salacious stuff for a family oriented store. Not that I’m complaining.

Anyway.

Saw this item:

Playtex “Fresh & Sexy” Before and After Intimate Wipes.

Oookkkkkaaaaayyyy.

So, who could they be marketing these to? Hmm. People who aren’t going to be showering/bathing before OR after “intimacy“… People who need to grab a wipe, use it, and move on.

Hmm.

WHORES.

They are marketing to WHORES.

Whore Wipes — buy ’em at Target.

Just FYI.

A Dog Day

Decided that in honor of the impending snowstorm (I think we’re expecting an INCH!), I would live my day as Otis.

Woke up.

Had breakfast.

Had a nice poop.

Went back to bed.

Ah-maze-ing.

Dogs are not stupid.

Announcement

Tostitos Cantina Thin & Crispy.

You. Are. My. Life. Now.

Get in mah belleh.

Interesting…

Working on the %&(#&%)# laundry. As ever. *sighs*

Sorting and folding (aka Bane of my Existence). The Frug and the kids have work/school clothes and jammies. Noticing my pile consists of predominantly sweat pants and jammies. Huh.

That must mean something but what?? *taps chin*

Hmmm.

Never mind.

*scampers off to Pinterest to look at Grumpy Cat memes*

Just Call Me Colonel Slacker

Whoa. It’s January 17th!!  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? I had GOALS!!  I was supposed to be WRITING this whole time!!!! Shit!

Life gets in the way sometimes, kwim? Have had lots of kid drama, school meetings, doctor appointments, all the fun stuff. 

I’ve been using my patented stress management techniques — denial, avoidance, procrastination, irritable bowels, and eating all the carbs.

*cracks whip* Time to get focused!!!

Meet the Newest Member of the Superficial Family

It’s Bemis, our new toilet seat! We’ve worn out, and even broken, several of these. Yeah, I see those shocked faces!

The Frug noted that “Bemis” is a nice combo of “butt” and “penis”…See why he and I are MFEO??!!

The Time Al Roker Gambled And Lost In The White House

Okay, there was a TMI Contest and Al Roker won!  (Under)Pants down!  I’m floored. Al really really bares his soul here. And his poopy laundry. OMG. I may have to watch this again.

The Time Al Roker Gambled And Lost In The White House.

Leggings are NOT pants.

In case some of you *coughsASHLEEcoughs* weren’t quite sure about this rule.

Leggings are NOT pants.

Behold Kim KardASSian:

 

QED.

KK, longer sweatshirt, thicker workout pants…some undies, perhaps??  Please.

The Kim Kardashian/Paparazzi Truce Has Ended. Begin The Ass Wars! – The Superficial – Because You’re Ugly.

Grinchmas 2012

Sooo, what did everyone get for Christmas?!?!  I loved asking that when I was a kid. These days, I get boring and unromantic answers like: “we don’t exchange gifts” or “new tires” or other bullshit. Ugh.

My fave gift for the Frug went on the tree immediately:

He got me this mysterious box:

What is it and why you (and I) might ask?  The Frug is calling it a “Stair Shuttle“…He gathers items I’ve strewn around the house and places them in the Stair Shuttle until such time as I am willing deal with them.

Here is is “in action”:

Jealous?

Look what I got from Ash…fans of Breaking Bad will get it:

And inside?  That’s right, baby…

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like blue rock candy “meth”!

I’m sorry. Did you just get sweaters or frying pans??  lol

Whoa. 1/1/13?

Wait, what happened to Christmas?  New Year’s??  It’s the THIRD??

Been meaning to write a bit but have been distracted by Grumpy Cat memes and “Best of Cute Cats” on youtube. *sighs* Pathetic, I know. The cool thing about the internet is that you can now be a crazy cat lady WITHOUT actually having more than one cat!

So, New Year’s resolutions? None. Don’t believe in ’em. Just another list of To Do’s that I ADD about and never do. And if I did make a list, it would be evidence of failure when NONE of the resolutions happened. *sighs*  I prefer to fail silently.

I guess one thing I want to do this year is be present in my life. I spend a ton of time worrying about “what’s next?” and “what if?” and little time just “being.”  I guess one thing I’ve been slowly accomplishing is becoming my mother, one worry at a time. *sighs*

Jeez. Cheery litte post, Kelly.  Okay, I’ll leave you with 2 pix.

First, my precious Fiona:

And, the dog who made my life better during the stressful Christmas season, I present Otis and his Cone of Shame:

 

***EDITING***

 

I’ve already put up a pic of Otis and the Cone of Shame???  DAMMIT!!!!  No memory of that. *sighs*