Oh Where, Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Adorable Firstborn Gone?

Oh Where, Oh Where Can He Be??

*grumbles*

The Frug and I had dinner out last night with 9 and 12’s replacement, Sarcasmo, the Sullen and Obnoxious.  I hate that guy.

He’s not even a teenager yet!  How many years of eye rolls and snotty comebacks can we expect??

EVERYTHING was cause for a snippy retort. Luckily for me (sort of), the brunt of this falls to the Frug. Sarcasmo had comments for everything he did…

The Frug (ordering): “I’d like the antipasto platter. Does that have an onions in it?”

Sarcasmo: “OMG DAD! Did you even read the menu? It doesn’t have onions!  Why would it ?” *shakes head* and *rolls eyes*

The Frug: “Excuse me, can I have a Miller Lite bottle?” 

Waiter: “We have it on draft, not in a bottle”

Sarcasmo: “I cannot believe Dad just tried to order a Miller Lite in a bottle. Unbelievable” *rolls eyes*

And there were general snorts of derision for all of us…including the restaurant selection.

Sarcasmo: “Oh great! Faccia Luna?? AGAIN?! WHY????!!!! Can’t we have any variety??”

Sarcasmo: “Perfect, 9 chose the restaurant. Great.” #sarcasmfont

Me: “Well, we’re going out to celebrate his straight As on his report card” *smirking*

Sarcasmo: *belligerent glare*

Later…

Waiter: “Would you like another Coke?”

Sarcasmo: “No, I’m okay”

The Frug and I: “It’s No, thank you, not just NO”

Sarcasmo: “What??? I didn’t want another one”

Us: “You say NO THANK YOU to be POLITE”

Sarcasmo: “That’s stupid. You guys are crazy.” *rolls eyes*

In “conversation” (in quotes b/c there was no actual conversation…just the Frug, 9, and I trying to speak to one another and avoid 12’s replacement’s evilness)…

Sarcasmo: “Well, that’s unfortunate”

Sarcasmo: “That’s just great. Great job. Really” *rolls eyes*

Sarcasmo: “WHAT?? WHAT?? OMG, what is your problem, MOM?”

Sarcasmo: “Can we just go now?”

The Frug and I kept looking at each other like, “Who the F*CK is this kid and can we just leave him here?” Well, that’s what I was thinking anyway 😉

So, parents of teens, how many years of this bullshit can we expect? It’s already getting very old.

Quickie Hair Update

Well, they didn’t chop it off…YET.  They said that another client had a similar result (hello, tell a girl that upfront next time!)…so, they re-did the frizzed out pieces…just painted on the keratin, blew those pieces out and flatironed them. I couldn’t watch. Nervous wreck! lol So, it seems “fine” right now…we shall see what happens when I wash it and dry it myself. *fingers crossed*

Little shoutout to my friend Jen…who freely admitted that she had a little frisson of joy seeing the pix of my fried coif. Bitch!  Lol. But, believe me, of all people, I totally get that!  Like the feeling of smug joy I got when she would come back from getting a BANG up hair cut — you know, when they massacre your bangs, leaving you with the shortest fringe that takes months to grow out — BANG!

Good to know, that even in our mid-40s (*gasps*), we can still be bitchy teenagers. *giggles*

William and Kate leave Buckingham Palace in an Aston Martin convertible

So, Lainey titled her post “Badass Departure”…and part of me gets that. The Astin Martin is H-O-T!!! However comma WTHell kind of reception was it that the bride and groom were able to drive themselves outta there?  Say it with me: BOOORRRRRRIIIIINNNNGGGG!!  lol Seriously tho, did they have a cash bar? 2 drink tickets each?? Beer/wine only? What gives??  I have heard QE2 is a cheap beyotch. Lmao.

William and Kate leave Buckingham Palace in an Aston Martin convertible.

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge leaves Clarence House to travel to Buckingham Palace for the evening

First of all, how tiny is this girl’s waist??? She’s not a petite thing, she’s like 5’9″ or something, right? I’m betting her waist is under 24 inches. BITCH!

Secondly, WTF is Camilla wearing? My mother seriously had a robe that looked like that. Someone on Twitter said something about “Camilla in a Caftan” — I joked that that could be a new expletive like “Christ on a Cracker”, kwim?! Camilla in a Caftan! *snorts*

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge leaves Clarence House to travel to Buckingham Palace for the evening.

… And They Lived Happily Ever After!

And, please add this to the List of Reasons Kelly’s Going to HELL. *giggling*

… And They Lived Happily Ever After!.

Was Pippa Middleton’s Wedding Look Inspired by Cameron Diaz? – Style & Beauty – UsMagazine.com

Pippa Middleton, first of all, what the hell kind of name is PIPPA?! Silly Brits. Anyway, I LOVED LOVED her dress. Think she has a bit too much of an orange glow working but that’s okay. She lucked out with that maid-of-honor dress, doncha think?!

Her duties SUCKED tho. In England, they have a bunch of tiny young attendants and poor Pippa had to wrangle them. *giggles*  Maybe she’ll get to hook up with Hot Harry tonight to make up for it?

Was Pippa Middleton’s Wedding Look Inspired by Cameron Diaz? – Style & Beauty – UsMagazine.com.

PIC: See Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie’s Fascinators! – Style & Beauty – UsMagazine.com

Sort of a “Fuck you for not inviting our mother” look, doncha think? *cackling*

PIC: See Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie’s Fascinators! – Style & Beauty – UsMagazine.com.

Designers, Critics Praise Middleton’s “Elegant,” “Discreet” Dress – Style & Beauty – UsMagazine.com

Guess what? I slept in and am catching up via modern technology!  WIN!  LOL Actually, I was up in time to try to see the “official kiss” but technology FAILED me b/c all the live streams were crashing! C’est la vie!

Anyway, she looked gorgeous and like HER. Not some poofy fake Princess for the Day, kwim? Her dress was simple, classic, elegant and she looked gorgeous in it. And, btw, how skinny is she?? My goodness, that teeny tiny torso?? Bitch!  haha

Designers, Critics Praise Middleton’s “Elegant,” “Discreet” Dress – Style & Beauty – UsMagazine.com.

Hair Fail

*sighs* Well, the hair thing…the Keratin Express?? Harrumph. It’s supposed to be GOOD for the hair…intensive conditioning, etc. For the most part, it worked. My hair has been 85% frizz free, dries quickly, waves under control. I didn’t blow it dry at all on vacation. Didn’t use a flat iron on it. Nothing. Why?

Frankly, I was scared to touch it. There are a few sections that are FRIED. Frizzled. DAMAGED. I am p-i-s-s-e-d. Have an appt. tomorrow to have them look at it to see what can be done — Other than to CHOP said fried pieces out. I had just gotten that fresh new mullet I was so happy about, remember? *rolls eyes and cues up permanent sarcasm font* So, the pieces that are damaged are, of course, the ones around my face…they CANNOT be cut shorter. Seriously.

Sit back and enjoy my pain, peeps. Keep in mind, there are unretouched “self-portraits” and are meant to be dramatic *giggles*

I’ve been wearing it either in a ponytail or tucking the frizzled pieces behind my ears. Not cool. Actually, that’s not what I meant. I generally wear my hair like that anyway — BUT, the whole point of this process was so that I would be able to wear it down and loose and have it be gorgeously straight, frizz-free, long blonde hair flowing in the wind like a commercial, right??!!! *Growls*

Wish me luck. I may be a big frizzy bitch tomorrow. lol. Or a short haired bitch. frankly I prefer the frizz over short hair (b/c short hair makes my face look fat! haha and not kidding)

Hold the Presses!

How in the world is it that Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married TOMORROW?! Why did I not realize this? Who the hell gets married on a Friday morning, btw?! Are they trying to kill me?

Who’s watching it live? Who’s going to get up at a sane hour and watch it on  youtube or whatnot?? Part of me feel like it would insult Princess Diana’s memory if I didn’t watch it live (I know, pathetic and stupid)…but, I’m old now and getting up so damn early will be very, very painful for me!

Anyone doing a group watching party?? I see people on Twitter making plans with Pimm’s and tea sandwiches and assorted Brit stuff…makes me feel like a slacker!!

Someone make me feel better ASAP!